I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
