Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I intend to get homeless drunk
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
