if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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