remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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