im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
