i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
