So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
