Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
