I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
