Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
