Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
