HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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