Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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