i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
