You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
