Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
