im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
