areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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