And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
