I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
