The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
