Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
