I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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