Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
