You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
