i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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