Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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