I'm eating all of the evidence.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
