I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
