remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
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