but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
