Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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