But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
