Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
