what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
