You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
