i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
