long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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