I'm lost and stupid without you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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