i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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