He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
