I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
