I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't deserve a penis
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
