Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
