When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
