you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Send help, water and tortillas.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
