There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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