I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
