Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
