ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
