Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
