I want you more than these girls want KFC
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
