How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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