im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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