she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
