i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
