Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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