I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
